Lesson Fourteen: How to grow a set.

Posted on 11:06 AM

The best compliment I probably will ever get came from my aunt LaDonna. She said she wished she had been more like me in her life and taken more chances. She said, “You really have some balls, girl.” Damn straight.

Derby is a natural magnet for women with a little venom in their blood. Women with something to prove, a deep need to be challenged and endure. Look around you at a practice, it’s full of scrappy survivors, ready to play. Take a look into the steel eyes of your comrades during battle and you find a glimpse of yourself too.

But since the age of zero we’ve been coddled and dressed in pink, told to be quiet and for christsake be nice. And here we are on the other side of womanhood trying desperately to awaken the five year-olds we once were, playing in the dirt, beating up boys, and acting a damn fool. We got tired of playing nice, so we started playing roller derby.

Now I say that to say this right herr: When you lace your skates and you roll across that floor you must become that warrior that sleeps inside you. You must shake off the decades of doubt and reach deep into the core of your spleen where you will find one giant pair of balls that say, “Oh fuck yeah I can.” I’m telling you, they actually say that. And the reason you truly truly must is this: There is no room for self doubt in derby. It is a mentally and physically exhausting battle and you MUST stay positive to be prepared for the challenge.

You did it. You already decided to play. There are twenty girls at home watching House for each and every one of us at practice. So take a second to pat yourself on the back and realize you are the fucking shit. You rock.

My advice today is this: ban any and all negative thoughts from your head. Saying, “I can’t” is blasphemy. Discouragement is viral so buck up!

Lesson Thirteen: Notes to an injured Bunnie

Posted on 8:26 AM
Being injured sucks asshole. There’s no pretty way to put it. If I were in a death metal band I would write songs about how deep the hate river flows inside me for bio-freezed knees that keep me out of play. Yep, sure would. And it’d be big in Sweden.

This gimp-ness has got to end! I know a few ways to make sure I’m on skates for a while. I’ll give myself the advice today. I’ll write it out in a nice little bloggity about staying playing and we’ll both read it and say things like, “Hm, sounds like a plan, stan.”

I’m going to start off by doing some inner leg exercises! My knee issues stem from the fact that I have some super strong muscles that aren’t exactly in proportion to the weaker inside muscles. And with hips like “woah” the angle from hip to knee makes it easy for my knee caps to be pulled off to one side. Ouchers! So inner knee exercises it is!

Next up is an Equipment check! It sucks to stand on the sidelines but if your equipment is broke there is just no need to chance the damn thing. I found this out last practice. I should have realized it was a bad idear to glue my skates back together after the boot started to rip from the plate but no, I have a thick skull and thought it would be just fine and dandy. The truth is any little thing can make you skate funny and that leads to more injuries. Also, making sure you have the dopest, thickest pads is KEY to knee heaven.

Then I’m going to get on the floor and work out what doesn’t hurt until I’m all better. Part one of getting better is realizing you aren’t some like super hero. And part two is taking care of your body like a normal person would. I’m not saying we’re normal… we’re rollerderby-uns, and that makes us special but not immune to the physical errors we’d all like to ignore. While I’m working on other things I’ll be throwing myself a posi-party. That’s as in posi-tive. I’ll be thinking of sunshine and rainbows and knocking bitches down. All the things that make bunnies smile. …oh and carrots.

So are ya with me? Let’s make the most of being pissed off that we’re injured. Let's get better and stay better and play better! Yay Better!


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