Let's talk about something more serious than roller derby. I know!! Is there anything more serious than derby? There's nothing more life-giving than excitement. The thrill of progress and the act of trying give meaning to a sometimes more challenging reality. Life often gets in the way of derby dreams but it also inspires those dreams to exist. I know.
I'll tell you something sad to tell you something beautiful. Last year about this time I woke up in a nightmare. I had to say goodbye way too soon to someone too special to be gone. It was and is a defining moment in my life. I remember crouching on the floor in a mess that morning wondering, “Where do I go from here?” It's only now that I can tell you what miracle saved me from myself in those dark days. The first responders asked "Is there someone you can call?" and there wasn't anyone I could think of but my derby sisters. When I am weak, they are strong. They came and they comforted, and they stayed and they've never been more than one phone call away.
In the next months I stayed in bed. I avoided strangers that love saying, "Cheer up!" and "Smile!" ... dumb strangers. But I was safe at practice. No one was making me try to feel better. No one made me regurgitate the story. And the practices let me forget about the empty house for a few hours. And I was making real progress. I felt that feeling you get... the feeling like you're really alive.
There were times between practices and bouts that I wallowed. I admit, there were some very dark moments, but then there was derby too. It was the singular reason to go on, to get out of bed and live again. When I lost all momentum and felt I couldn't bare one more day I only had to ask myself 'How could I let my team down?' Hell, I rode in rollerstank perfumed cars all summer, shoulder to shoulder with these women. So, how could I cry about being alone?
I’m not saying derby saved my soul, I’m definitely damned to hell... probably for all of infinity or something. All i’m saying is derby saved my life. More than once, and it will again. And that, my dearest friends, is the very beautiful part. I (heart) Roller Derby! And I love my team and my teammates.
But enough about me, don’t you want to know the lesson for today ??
Time is like a blocker- sometimes it gets in the way. That's when you have to knock it on it’s ass and take its point. There will always be obstacles in your way, but you will prevail if you only perservere. Realize you are stronger now than you've ever been and you're only getting stronger as long as you hang in there, kitty.
I'll tell you something sad to tell you something beautiful. Last year about this time I woke up in a nightmare. I had to say goodbye way too soon to someone too special to be gone. It was and is a defining moment in my life. I remember crouching on the floor in a mess that morning wondering, “Where do I go from here?” It's only now that I can tell you what miracle saved me from myself in those dark days. The first responders asked "Is there someone you can call?" and there wasn't anyone I could think of but my derby sisters. When I am weak, they are strong. They came and they comforted, and they stayed and they've never been more than one phone call away.
In the next months I stayed in bed. I avoided strangers that love saying, "Cheer up!" and "Smile!" ... dumb strangers. But I was safe at practice. No one was making me try to feel better. No one made me regurgitate the story. And the practices let me forget about the empty house for a few hours. And I was making real progress. I felt that feeling you get... the feeling like you're really alive.
There were times between practices and bouts that I wallowed. I admit, there were some very dark moments, but then there was derby too. It was the singular reason to go on, to get out of bed and live again. When I lost all momentum and felt I couldn't bare one more day I only had to ask myself 'How could I let my team down?' Hell, I rode in rollerstank perfumed cars all summer, shoulder to shoulder with these women. So, how could I cry about being alone?
I’m not saying derby saved my soul, I’m definitely damned to hell... probably for all of infinity or something. All i’m saying is derby saved my life. More than once, and it will again. And that, my dearest friends, is the very beautiful part. I (heart) Roller Derby! And I love my team and my teammates.
But enough about me, don’t you want to know the lesson for today ??
Time is like a blocker- sometimes it gets in the way. That's when you have to knock it on it’s ass and take its point. There will always be obstacles in your way, but you will prevail if you only perservere. Realize you are stronger now than you've ever been and you're only getting stronger as long as you hang in there, kitty.
